I Think That Shakespeare Said it Best

of course, he often did..

 “Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more;”1

 Today is a day of reflection and thought. I am sitting here in my office, halfway to my 45th birthday. What, I wonder, is my mark upon this world? Do I even need to make a mark? What have I done with my life, that I could die feeling that I had lived all that I could?

And, to be fair and honest, the answer is “Quite a lot, you silly twit. Stop being maudlin.”
I have. I have a wonderful daughter. I have a wonderful set of friends and pseudo-husband. I am about to finish all the paperwork & flaming hoop-leaping required to finish my degree. I have a lovely home in a pretty, rural area.
I am blessed in so.many.ways.

But there are places I want to go, things that I want to do, that I want to see. Things that explore beyond the little confines of my life as it currently stands.

I am, usually, a grabber of horns. I want to do something, I go and do it. However, in the last few years I have felt too old, too used up, to broken, too busy, too out of shape.

“I can do anything!” became “I don’t think I can do that. I’m [___insert excuse___]” instead.

I have to tell you friends, that is a lonely way to live your life. Hiding from the world and then feeling left out?  Recipe for disaster.

Well, fuck that. I am better than that. I am worth more than fading away and sitting quiet and hoping that I will be overlooked2.

No. I will pick back up the reins of my life. I will drive myself to where I want to be, physically, emotionally, and mentally. I have a plan. I have a therapist3.  I will do whatever I can to win the war on apathy and lethargy.

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1 – The quote in its entirety:

“Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more;
Or close the wall up with our English dead!
In peace there’s nothing so becomes a man
As modest stillness and humility:
But when the blast of war blows in our ears,
Then imitate the action of the tiger.”
           ― William Shakespeare, Henry V

2 – And perversely, feeling depressed when I was. Because THAT makes sense, yo.

3 – Oh, thank goodness!

 

Sedentary, Sedentary, INJURY!

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Duck, duck….well, you get it.

 

I have been a terrible person to myself.
Well, OK – more so than usual.

I have not done any exercise, other than the little bit required to get me to and from places, for months. I have been hunched over my computer, a wizened old troll writing papers or hunting for a job. Or I have been lounging on the couch, being brain-lazy and playing video games.
Neither of these options is particularly healthy, by the way.

I have had a semi-good excuse. I was in the final weeks of school, finishing up my degree. Then, with the nightmare of looming student debt, I started the job post-grad job search in earnest1.

After a few weeks of this, my body was done. D-O-N-E, done. I woke up one morning and damn near collapsed getting out of bed. My back was sending out urgent distress signals.

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dee-dee-dee-dee-deeeeeee….What?

 

When I eventually got to the doctor, she told me that I had essentially bulged a disc. The doctor was very nice – apparently weeping in pain2 is their weakness – and concerned. She did some routine exams, asked some questions and then told me that I was too old to be competition skydive-skeet-shooting.

Or, maybe I should get up and get some exercise once I had healed up from this issue. Also, that if it wasn’t much better feeling in a week, they wanted me in for an MRI and other expensive things. Of course, my initial reaction was completely grown up.

Still and all, I’m feeling better now. My back is still twingy although it isn’t making me shuffle along like a participant in a death march.

The takeaway on all this has been straightforward. Unless I want to end up in this situation again, I should get my body back into shape. Strengthen up my core and back muscles and lose the little paunch I have developed over the last year.

*SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGH*

 

I suppose my plan of eating nachos and never running again is a violation of the rules, anyway.

FINE, WHATEVS.  PFFT.

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I will be restarting a gentle (at first) exercise program. I plan to gradually ramp it up as my back and general tolerance rebuild. I will be logging said program on Fitocracy. Hopefully, that will help keep me accountable.

Maybe this way I can achieve my dream of doing my 90th birthday skydive into a laser light show.

 

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I presume Pink Floyd will still be having these. Only, they’ll be using their robot bodies by then.

 

 

1 –Seriously, I think that 4 to 6 tailored resumes and cover letters per day is a lot. Plus, the online applications and insta-resume sends (probably 4 or 5 of those each day.) But, maybe I am wrong. What is the norm, Intertrons? What is considered a normal amount of resume sendage, on average per day?

2-She was trying to move my legs so that she could do some neurological tests (whack-a-knee is the medical term for it, I believe) to see if I had perma-damaged myself or no. I didn’t exactly burst into tears (SPOILER: I totally did) but, she must have seen through my gritty exterior to extreme pain that the movement caused.

I See You

Pre-coffee pondering1:  I thought Facebook was supposed to be a social media? That it should actively encourage people to interact with one another. Instead, empirical evidence suggests that it is more of an acknowledgement tool.

People post something and then others ‘like’ or ” 🙂 ” their words. This is not necessarily a bad thing, being acknowledged as having said something is also important. But it, I think, misses at least some of the point of social media, and Facebook in particular.

And all of this was brought on by seeing people (myself included) ask questions on their wall – and have people ‘like’ the comment and say nothing.  ImageOr, in response to said question, people smiley-face and/or *HUG*!

 

 

ImageI’m equally guilty of this. I think, or rather, it often is for me, a way to say “ooh, I hear you and Imma answer you, but cute kittens/puppies are the greatest thing ever!”

 

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Anyway, I didn’t have a solution or anything. I was just drinking my coffee while reading FB and happened to notice a thing.

 

1 – Under-caffeination is a serious affliction. Won’t you please help?

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Professional Portfolio

I have been working on my professional portfolio for potential technical writing gigs. I realize I probably should have researched and done this a lot sooner, say months before the graduation date. But, I didn’t. And most jobs that are hiring professional writers want to see examples of their work.

Shocking, I know.
Obviously, I cannot direct them here. For one thing, this is mostly a personal blog with some fiction work thrown in as I hammer out style and voice in my head. For another, I rarely* edit this.

Anywho, I asked some technical writer friends what they did for theirs. 8 out of 10 said to write an instruction sheet on (get this) making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

*blink* Really?

Really. Apparently, it gives the interviewer/potential boss-type an inkling of your style.
Who knew?

I took them at their word and wrote my version of the PB&J white sheet. I must say. It’s epic.

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Now, I am curious as to what my next piece for this project should be. Maybe I’ll wow them with my incredibly detailed, color-coded, retailer link enabled, Yule gift and card list. I’ve probably logged a thousand hours into that bad boy over the last several years.

Nah. Wouldn’t want to overwhelm them with too much awesome, all at once.

 

 

 

 

* – I never edit. I write what I write into the little text box that WP provides. The only editing that I do is if I happen to catch a missed word or misspelling after I publish something. You guys get the raw me. Lucky y’all.

Happy Longest Day of the Year

For those what celebrate it, happiest of solstices to you.

 

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Even if you don’t, just look at that sunrise! Look at it!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I am hanging out today with a friend. We plan to go shopping, and then put together a gloriously fancy chicken dinner. Then, we shall play Skylanders until our thumbs stop working.
All in all, a good day shall be had.

 

 

Warranty?

I think it ran out four years ago.

Not on my car.
On my body.  😦

I am sitting here, stiffly, painfully, and somewhat embarrassed with a bulged disc in my lower back. 

How did I get this?

Competitive rodeo-clowning?
Bar fight with a pack of Dobermans and their poodle overlords?
Crash testing a new rocket sled in the back forty?

Nein.

I got it, DO NOT LAUGH, by sitting for hours in my crappy office chair while I look for a job. I think the Evil Bed might also have played a heinous part in this tragedy.

At any rate, I finally went to the University Health Services – because I had serendipitously gotten an email that said I had a ‘Grace Semester’ left to use their services, post-graduation. The very nice doc gave me Rx for Prednisone, a corticosteroid, to help with the inflammation. She also prescribed generic Norco for the pain. I’m not a huge fan of taking pills or meds, but I am pathetically grateful for these.

Even if I do sit up until 3AM looking up drug interactions, side effects, and the like.

Anxiety and WebMD do NOT mix.