D was teasing me last night for my xMas shopping list. I am pretty sure that everyone with a large group of people on their gift list – esp. if said group includes their new SO’s family – makes lists. Just because *my* list is in Excel format, with columnar annotations of “Card”, “Cookie/Candy”, “Prezzie”, “Gag Gift”; and a second page of linked names from the “Prezzie” column (with web links to the page of gift in mind, in some cases)…well, that’s no excuse to tease.

Just sayin’.

Bored.

Icon Meme-age!

I’m bored. I’m running stupid scripts and I am bored. So! Meme time (*hums MC Hammer to herself…)
Duh-Duhn!
Duh-Duhn!
memetime!
*realizes what she is doing and Stops.That.Shit.Right NOW*

Ahem.

If you want to, comment here with your favorite icons, tell me why it’s your favorite, and what it means to you. And if you have one, put an icon that’s free for the taking up in comments, with credits. The wittier, the better. I will start with a few of mine. ’cause I can.

teh icons! they are this way!

I feel crummy. My head hurts. My ear aches like its full of crushed glass. My nose is spewing dribbly, watery crap and my eyes itch. I feel so rotten that I didn’t even pack the Girliekin’slunch. I just gave her some dollars so she could buy food in the cafeteria. So, believe me when I say that today is not a good day. Having to contend with some of Austin’s finest drivers this morning did NOT improve my mood, either.

At any rate — survived the T-day holiday. Intro’d D to my family. They seemed to really like him. Dad at one point even told me to “not let him get away!”, which tickled me. I swear, the older he gets, the more of a shadchen he gets to be. It was actually fun – a little staid, which after all these exciting years, I will take – but fun. The feast was incredibly huge – turkey, ham, potatoes dauphin, corn casserole, squash casserole, 7 different kinds of pie, sweet potatoes, green bean casserole, bread, and homemade cranberry jelly.

For the winter holiday, we are planning on going to upper state NY to meet his parents. I believe that I will now commence to worrying about that.

*blerg* Brain fried from cold meds & crappy sleep. However, must return to work stuff. Did I miss anything this past week or so?

The Real Tips

So, I am noticing a lot of helpful, advice giving articles on how to have the very best Thanksgiving, ever!

Like this: Tips on Having Thanksgiving Like Regular People

Uh-huh. Here’s MY list:

1. Put off buying the food until the day or night before. The scrap with others shoppers over that last 8 lb turkey and box of Stove Top will get your blood pumping and ready to deal with the next 8 hours of cooking.

2. When your estranged family member calls at 8 PM the day before to let you know that they are coming to dinner, say “Why Jim! Of course you can come! We welcome the chance to see you, your alcoholic wife and your nine children!”

3. Paper plates. Seriously. No one wants to spend the four hours after dinner washing dishes.

4. Put everything breakable up. Not out of reach of the children, but up. In boxes. In the closets. Do it. You will thank me.

5. Also, hide the matches. You do NOT want a repeat of the s’mores incident from the last year, do you?

6. Make sure that all the plumbing is in good working order. Get a Port-a-Potty or similar for Jim et al.

7. Wal-Mart sells those little card tables for pretty cheap.

8. That being said, use old bedsheets for the kid’s tablecloth. They don’t care and you won’t lose your mind when one of the little urchins pours a gravy lake on it like they did to your antique lace the year before last.

9. Resist the urge to spike the iced tea/holiday punch/lemonade with Benadryl.

10. Give thanks that Thanksgiving is only once a year. And change the locks once your family have gone.

….Fighting.Urge.To.Kill….

There’s apparently a business in Austin called “Megladon”. It sits right next to “SabreRex” and “I-Rex”. I have absolutely no idea what they do or make. My pre-coffee brain insists that it has to be giant, mechanized dinosaurs and such, though. I’m OK with that. It means that at least 1/2 of my $winterholiday shopping is done! And, really — who *wouldn’t* want a full-sized mechanized sabre-tooth tiger?*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
New Gnus from the land of the idiots:

The Girl had a giant “cultural” project to do. It was supposed to be a glimpse into her ancestry – their homeland, their customs, some of their history — whatever Kiddo wanted to cover. She had two weeks to get it done. The first week was at my house — I gave her some information and I chatted with exJ (her Dad) about. I remember stressing that it was due on the 9th.** Flash forward to Monday morning, the 12th. I am at work.*** I get an email from the Girl’s teacher stating that her project was not turned in and could it possibly get turned in on Tuesday?

*whaps head into desk, repeatedly*

Oh, but wait! It gets better! Figuring that she had simply forgotten it at home, I called exJ and asked him to deliver the thing on Monday evening.****
He drops it off and leaves. Its a basic kid-project. Tri-fold piece of posterboard and a worksheet with some questions regarding her ancestry. I glance over the worksheet and have to choke back horrified laughter. Its pretty obvious that whatever else happened last week, homework help wasn’t part of it. Seriously. The worksheet said something about her ancestors coming from “Afrika” and that they spoke “afrikan and inglish”. Plus, that her ancestors didn’t like grapes. And that was all.

I’ll let that sink in.

Now, while its true that there is evidence that alot of folks’ WAY-back ancestors come from Africa (Lucy, et al), I am pretty sure that the teacher meant for her to cover her more recent ancestry. Not people who are about 200 generations out.

When I asked the Girl about what all had Dad done to help her with the project she said, “…oh, he couldn’t help me. He was in his bedroom.” ~

*beats head into wall, now* What in the friggedy fuck was he *thinking*?! Does it even occur to him that this is her LIFE and education that he is screwing with? Kids her age – the elementary school set – don’t have much social life – most of their time and energy is taken up with school at this age. Later – in Jr. High and High School – she will have outside interests and obligations. But for now? This is pretty much it. This is when her study habits will be initially formed. This is where she will learn to enjoy school, enjoy learning.

I am….I am at a loss. I want to talk to him and be reasonable. I also want to snatch custody away so that he cannot further harm her. At least during the school year. I am not perfect – we run late, forget stuff, etc. But, good grief. I don’t generate emails or phone calls from her teacher like he does.


* – The critter. Not the Marvel villain.
** – You see where this is going don’t you?
*** – Our swap schedule has us picking up le Child on Monday evenings from the YMCA (her afterschool program).
**** – He started to ask me to drive out to him and pick it up. *raises eyebrows in a complete and utter “OMG, are you fucking kidding me?!” expression*
~ – where his computer is.

Yulish about the holidays

I am a *total* Christmas/Yule freak. I *love* giving prezzies. I love going out to shop to find either just the right gift or the makings of it. I love stopping while out to get a cookie & milk (for her) or coffee (me).

Don’t get me wrong – I like getting presents as much as the next person; but, finding/making the very thing that will make your loved one’s eyes light up? Yeah, that’s one of the best feelings in the world to me. It can be something complex that you crafted, a spendy sort of gift, a card with a poem that you wrote, a basket of their favorite cookie, a piece of fabric that you know they will love or a hug at just the right moment. And yeah, I know that you can do that sort of thing all year. But, its nice when alot of people are feeling that goodwill, as well.

I Santa’d for my neighbors growing up — wrapping presents & putting together toys — every year. That was my gift to them. It allowed them to spend more time with their kids & elderly parents. And, I got to spend more time with my Mom because she would usually come and help me wrap.*

I also LOVE the idea of Santa. I hope that Girlie keeps believing in him until she’s nine or ten. Even if she doesn’t really. We will set out cookies & a thermos of coffee for that jolly old elf this year, even though she is going to be at her Dad’s house. I will take pictures of her stocking Christmas Eve & then again on Christmas morning and send them to her (via her Dad’s cell phone) so that she will know that he showed up and dropped off goodies for her.

I am thinking seriously of having a holiday cookie baking/decorating thang in my house for all my friends & their kids (them what has ’em) sometime before I have to give up the ‘kins to her Dad. Maybe on/around the 14th or 15th of December.

*ponders*



* – yeah, my Mom is one of those people who has a Monk-like tendency to wrapping presents. All of her gifts are superbly, expertly wrapped. With fluttery, curley-que ribbons and matching tags. Its a *thing* with her.