Lordy, the drama. And ice.

Been an interesting past couple of days. I have found out exactly how dearly and deeply I am loved. I also found out that my deep and abiding fear for roads even _pretending_ they’re coated in ice is…well, deep-seated and abiding.

I’ve tucked all my loved ones in. In a few hours, I’ll go and wake them up so that they can get on with their days and I can get on with my sleep. The Girl is currently sleeping like a giant frog; legs curled under her, arms tucked tight against her chest. Golden hair is washed over her face and it flutters with every breath she takes. J is in our bed, curled over my pillow. He dreams, waiting for my weight to shake the bed. Then he will snuggle sleepily up to me, a human sized heating blanket. He worries because I seem to get chilled so easily these days. C is draped across the pillows of his bed, his face sweet and relaxed. I tucked him in about an hour ago, insisting that he sleep. We had spent the evening watching Trigun cuddled up on the couch. I love my life; my men, my baby, my job. I am more happy and content than I think I’ve ever been in my life. I am so afraid that something is going to happen to wreck it all. Sometimes, I fear that *I* am the wrecking ball; other times, I see it as an outside force. Either way, it is this huge _THING_ smashing through my life flinging plaster and debris in its path. I have spent so much of my life just waiting for the other shoe to drop. What is the price I must pay for this wonderful life that I have? No price is too high, I would say. Child’s trusting hand in mine; work I enjoy; lover’s caress against the small of my back.
Begone you foul wrecking ball. You have no place in my life. I despise you. I deny you any power here.

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “

  1. I’m not sure what you have to be afraid of. From everything I’ve seen, John is completely and utterly devoted to both you and Summer.

    I don’t really understand your relationship with C, but you both seem to be enjoying it.

    Summer’s a cute little munchkin that is well-behaved for the most part, and is happy and healthy.

    Housing is a slight issue, from what little I know. Rumor has it that you may be moving further north. This is an evil act, and I may have to give you force wedgies on a constant basis now. 🙂

    Don’t worry so much. It’s not good for you.

  2. You already paid the price for this wonderful life. All the pain, trauma, abuse, fear, anger, sadness, depression, and unhappiness from the past were the fertile soil to manifest this now beautiful garden. Now the only rent you have to pay is absolute gratitude and appreciation, with no fear.

    Be like Neo and keep remembering: There IS NO wrecking ball. In the 20’s, we were our own. Now we can choose not to be, and all the good things stick. For many of us, there was a time that once we got what we thought we wanted, we had to destroy it, because we didn’t know how to deal with happiness. Not anymore, Thank the Deathless Gods.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s